If a Man Says Something and No One is There to Hear Him, Is He Still Wrong?


Last month I reprinted my most famous article of all, the classic “51 Ways to Force Your Man Into Another Woman’s Bed.” It’s the one article of the year that makes all the fans and haters start typing like mad on the e-mail. This year I had three responses that really made an impression. Because these women were brave enough to write I asked them if they would mind contributing to a companion article exposing the flip side, the things men do that their women hate. Many of the suggestions in this list are theirs, so male readers- please don’t vote me out of the Manly Man Club because of this article. Out of respect to the wishes of my erstwhile female contributors I’ve withheld their names. They did seem pleased though that this article would appear in time for Valentine’s Day. Men, take heed. Eliminating a few of the items on this list might make the ideal gift for V-Day along with flowers and chocolate.

 So here we go with a list that is probably nowhere near exhaustive of things that make a woman consider either homicide or a very disfiguring amputation…

  1. Don’t wear an undershirt and sweatpants every minute you are home.
  2. My man throws my shoes in the closet when they are at the door – drives me crazy! But I am sure the fact that I leave my shoes at the door drives him crazy.
  3. Don’t let your gut grow to the size of a pregnant woman.
  4. Flipping continuously through the television channels and not picking anything to watch.
  5. Don’t leave socks and underwear on the floor.
  6. Looking in the fridge, cabinet, and drawers and not seeing something in plain sight.
  7. Leaving an empty container in the fridge.
  8. Don’t put wet towels in the clothes hamper.
  9. Never show an interest in movies or hobbies a woman enjoys.
  10. Please stop trying to grow a stray facial hair forest on the bathroom counter and wipe it off.
  11. Don’t ever take your woman to a nice place for dinner occasionally.
  12. Peeing everywhere except the toilet.
  13. Do not prefer sitting in front of the television watching football for every game shown instead of spending time with your wife.
  14. Doing dishes but not wiping counters.
  15. Communicate frequently about schedules and plans.
  16. Not brushing teeth before sex.
  17. Acting like a woman is nagging you or she’s “telling you what to do” when she asks for things to get done.
  18. Completely ignoring the “honey-do” list.
  19. Complain that it’s impossible to please a woman.
  20. Picking up after yourself in a timely manner.
  21. Paying attention to details will go a lot farther towards pleasing a woman than gifts, flowers, or the random “I love you.”
  22. We don’t want pushovers, but we want men that show their love in ACTIONS.
  23. As for the women that don’t really know what they want (yes, they exist), and start making all sorts of demands…usually they want attention, and to feel appreciated. Invest some time and effort into appreciating them, and you’ll have a whole new woman on your hands.
  24. Volunteers to take the kids off her hands, so she can have alone time, not just time with you.
  25. Wearing the same jeans for days (socks too).
  26. Napping at 5pm right before dinner
  27. Don’t help with diapering and feeding babies.
  28. Leaving their shoes anywhere that they take them off.
  29. We won’t complain if both lids are down, but don’t you dare leave both of them up.
  30. Do come up behind your spouse  while she is at the sink and only want a hug and nothing more.
  31. Do offer to do some chores around the house.
  32. Buy a cologne that we like. After all, that’s who has to smell it all day.
  33. Do keep up with dental cleanings.
  34. A big hug and kiss when coming home from work.
  35. Keeping the marriage on fire with small romantic gifts.
  36. Your gaseous emissions are not welcome- keep them in the bathroom.
  37. A rose every now and then, not even a dozen but at least a couple from time to time.
  38. Be romantically creative even when the other partner isn’t.
  39. They answer you with a question no matter what you’re talking about.
  40. Most important of all, treat your woman with respect and kindness.

Ladies, I hope this turnabout from the previous article helps smooth things over for us. From some of the e-mails we received, it is my wish that you’re no longer mad at me, just irate. If you do choose to share this with your husbands, please mark out my name. I really don’t want the men of the world to think that I’ve betrayed them and gone over to the dark side of embracing any femininity in my life.

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4 thoughts on “If a Man Says Something and No One is There to Hear Him, Is He Still Wrong?

  1. Via e-mail- “I read your latest article and am pleased. Thank you for airing some of the complaints from women about their men. One last thing….if men like painted toenails, they should paint their own! (my tongue is firmly planted in my cheek!)
    Thanks for the interesting reading. I look forward to what you write next.” Rebecca

  2. Ha! Was wondering when I’d see this posted…although some of the items are worded in the negative, which makes it confusing (ie–women will consider homicide if men “don’t put wet towels in the clothes hamper” #8–huh?).

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