I’ll Take a Fresh Plate of Crappy Service Please.

I’d like to give you a short restaurant review. Before you read on, know that I’m not a professional reviewer, food critic, or whatever, and possess no special talent or skill in this area whatsoever. I’m speaking from the point-of-view of a normal guy with a great smattering of common sense. If you’d like to read a professional review of more places in my area, check out my friend Becky Billingsley‘s work.

My mom and I took the opportunity to visit one of our fave lunch spots in Socastee SC the other day and may not go back again. Here’s a basic rundown of our experience at this upscale oriental eatery. People always say not to complain without offering solutions, so I’ll also throw in my two bits about the problem, even if it does end up being a little Gordon Ramsey style on the meanness scale.

• The tables were dirty and sticky. Maybe try wiping them down after people leave?
• There was a hand-written sign on the door stating that they will not accept credit cards. This is a problem I’d fix quickly, as the acceptance of credit cards is not only considered standard but also leads to increased sales volume.
• There was also a hand-written sign on the door stating that they no longer accept restaurant.com coupons. I’d fix this immediately by taking the entry off of their website.
• The place was all but empty on a Monday between 12:00 to 1:30. Only one other table sat down and one take-out order came in during the busiest time of the day.
• Our waitress volunteered that the old owner brought in a new partial owner and then took off for a while. Makes the whole place sound really professional. I’d tell the staff to keep some information to themselves.
• The waitresses were channel surfing on the bar television. Bad form. I’ve seen Ramsey go off on people for this.
• There were three waitresses sitting around the bar although only one could be bothered to attend to us. Even at peak occupancy, the place only needs one waitress and one bartender. Send someone home and save some money.
• The waitress told us that our food order was slow because they were training the new chef on our order. Even if that’s true, please don’t tell me.
• After my mom made a complaint about her meal, the waitress brought the chef out to apologize to us. Awkward! She was ready to cry and made us feel like crap that we complained. The chef was also wearing an apron with a politically charged logo on it. I don’t care what your political persuasion is, don’t parade it around at work.
• The extra waitresses had drinks from other restaurants (Taco Bell and Dunkin Donuts) sitting at the bar where they were hanging out. Oh, so the food and drink in this place isn’t good enough for the folks that work here?
• My mom ordered a ginger ale and she just pulled a 2 liter bottle of generic ginger ale from under the bar and popped it open right there in front of us. If you’re feeding us the cheap stuff, do it in private so we don’t see it. Poor form.
• There was no music whatsoever. The place sounded like a library and having a normal conversation at our own table felt uncomfortable.
• When the waitresses finally stopped the television on a showing of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, they then turned up the volume and started a discourse about Johnny Depp, at the expense of our timely food order.
• There’s no cell service in the whole joint. What? Aren’t we in the twentieth century? I know. Not their fault because of the metal building, but I’m in a complaining mood now.

For a place that I considered myself to be a regular of, I have to say that the staff was off, the food was off, and probably the only way I’ll go back is if someone is paying for the meal and I’m really hungry. For this place to succeed, I’d suggest a new location away from the redneck strip joint, an entire new staff, and more interaction with the owner. At his previous location, the owner was always visible. Now he’s invisible. If operations continue like this, the place has a very short shelf life remaining.